I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
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this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
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He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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