i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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