im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
