Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
