he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
