i think my tv is drunk
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
