just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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