i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So vagazzling was a success
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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