can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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