I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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