i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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