I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
