dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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