I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
