time to smoke my breakfast
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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