shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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