Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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