glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
