its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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