Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
sex in a hospital.. check
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
