Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
This baby is an asshole
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
