Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
if only i could text you this smell
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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