Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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