Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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