im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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