some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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