My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
