there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
