Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
