Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
