But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
