sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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