i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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