i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No stitches, just platelets and will power
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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