I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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