I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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