I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
