Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize