I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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