Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
