is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
