Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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