it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
