i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
