I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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