anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
