i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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