Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
