I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
