She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
