You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
whose parrot is this?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
