Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
is wine microwaveable?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
