3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
