I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
