I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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