at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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