Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
