I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There was a lot of him and a little penis
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
