3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
only if we run a train.
done.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize