no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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