Betty ford says i'm here all night
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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