Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
