oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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