I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
