are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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