I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
