My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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