swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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