Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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