I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
two words: eviction party
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
