If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
